Masking the sun with their dark shadow, the clouds came in quickly over the rotting pub roof. Rain lashes down, thundering against the mossy windows. I sit alone, gazing out into the midnight sky before switching focus to the tv.
The news. A crash. Flashes of blue and red transport me right back to that night while the muted sirens blast my eardrums. My plastered smile falls with my glass which shatters at my feet after falling through my suddenly sweaty palm. My mind spins like an out of control car, violently launching me back onto that curb two years ago. My brother’s juvenile corpse hits me like a wild piece of debris. Frenetic sirens scream for us to hold on but fall on the deaf ears of my lifeless brother. Pacing unsteadily out of the door, air tumbles out of my lungs with every breath. I dig around in my pocket frantically for a sense of relief from my tortuous mind. Collapsing against an abandoned tunnel, I take the harmlessly small pills like a child with a pick’n’mix and one by one the torture subsides.
A blinking street light illuminates the familiar figure of a child, strolling towards me. He smiles sympathetically, sliding his back down the stone wall meeting the floor with a bounce. “Fun night?” Head hung over my knees, I almost chuckle. A dark mop of hair that matches mine flops over his emerald eyes. Constellations of freckles usually illuminated by the sun twinkle in the February moonlight. Gently pattering down against the bedraggled tree leaves, the rain fades to a drizzle. He sighs, “You know it wasn’t your fault-” I cut him off, “You say this every time”. “Then believe it.” He pleads. The storm lingers in the biting wind, sending an eerie whistle through the dilapidated dome overhead. “Are you for real this time?” I quaver. “Of course… it was an accident-” He replies. “You know what that’s not what I mean.” Pausing cautiously to take a deep breath, I continue, “Are you real?”. My question is met with a knowing smile, “Only if you want me to be.”
Suddenly he stands and turns away, “Wh-where are you going?” I enquire, but he does not respond, disappearing into the ghostly shadow of a looming oak tree. “You can’t leave – come back!” I beg. Panicking pangs of fear pump through my chest as the black hole he vanished into grows blurry. He’s gone. Again. My polar hands grip the rain soaked hair on my head, tears streaming down my cheeks.
My heart hammers on my ribs like a casualty in an upturned vehicle. Gasping for oxygen between sobs, I tremblingly lower my head to the floor, curling up.
Sniffing, I lie numb on the arctic concrete waiting for my brother. I want to go with him this time.