The isolation follows me home, hanging over me like a
nightmare. The door to my house, my guardian angel, shelters
me from the terrors until tomorrow comes and I have to face
them once more. The walk to school seems lonelier, the classes
we share no longer bring me joy, the inside jokes now
forgotten as if we never made them at all. Oh how I miss it
all.
The glances we used to make to each other, you now do to
someone else. The memories we had, are now ideas for you and
her. The secrets we shared are now out in the open. Oh how we
have changed. The whispers you two exchanged, the glances of
disdain you shared. The awkward answers you gave to my attempt
at conversation. If it was me, tell me, don’t keep me in the
dark. The excuses painted in lies I always believed. The
evidence you pushed aside when I confronted you. I don’t
understand?
It crept up on me like a whisper in the wind, I never saw it
coming. I still don’t know what happened. What I did. If I
even did anything at all. All I know is, you changed. Leaving
me all alone, unsure of myself in every possible way. What
happened?
Your actions spoke louder than the words you never said. Days
turned into weeks, eventually into months. We spoke less and
less until not at all. My desperation broke me, like how I
broke the silence held between us. The few words we exchanged
shattered me, my suspicions confirmed, as we agreed to go our
separate ways.
Though we never spoke a word to anyone except a few close
friends, the stillness we held and the actions we showed spoke
louder than any words could have. As the weeks continued our
silence remained. I tried reaching out only to be met with
coldness and isolation, until my attempts seemed pointless.
Eventually our group slowly started to split as you and her
created your own world together. One where I didn’t exist. It
hurt at first like all wounds do, until I gradually began to
heal.
It started with grief, evolving into repression until this new
form of happiness turned it into acceptance. These background
friends I have now drawn closer to, support me in every way,
sharing my laughter and sadness, my anger and anxiety. Our
inside jokes always shared. The glances always returned. The
new memories hung up around my room, shadowing the old but
never leaving them forgotten. Why was our friendship so
different?
My confidence resurfacing, I’m pushing back. You ignore me, I
ignore you. Friends are meant to always be there for one
another so why does that word seem so hard to use when
describing you. Do I really miss our friendship or just the
security that was there with it? Maybe it was my fault, maybe
it was yours but “ all friends fall apart don’t they?”.